


do you even like me?

by halesi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Kuroo Tetsurou, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, kenma not realizing shit, kuroo pinning on kenma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:20:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26764945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halesi/pseuds/halesi
Summary: After having sex a few times, Kuroo starts getting jumpy at Kenma's apparent indifference to him and jealous at his constant texting and calling Shoyo.Now Kuroo wonders:Do you even like me?
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 32
Kudos: 233





	1. why should I be jealous?

It was almost as late as it always was when they took the train back home. Practice today was a pain and Kuroo could feel the muscles in his thighs complaining. Nonetheless, it was a good feeling.  
He sighed before resting the top of his head on the window of the subway. As he closed his eyes, a small but very sure hand sneaked and grabbed his, fingers lacing together. It was a very small gesture, one that people around them didn't notice. But Kuroo did.

  
"Do you want to study together? Mom isn't home."  
The calm voice wasn't loud but not timid at all.  
"Sure."  
  
They got to Kenma's house a little bit later. Lucky for them, even if they weren't neighbors anymore, Kuroo only lived a few blocks away. The house was silent and the only thing the black-haired boy could hear was the soft ticking of the clock. And if he got really attentive, there it was: his heart beating fast. He didn't even bother opening his notebook. He just sat there on the floor across Kenma, with his back to the base of the bed, and the study table making sure there was a lot of space between them. He could see the shortest boy's roots as he was trying to concentrate on his homework, but his pencil wasn't moving, and Kuroo just _knew_ his thoughts where somewhere else.  
  
"So, your mom..."  
"On a business trip. Doesn't comeback till Wednesday."  
"That's two days from now."  
Kenma didn't reply.  
For someone who was trying so hard trying to look like they were studying, it was kind of a miss to not even pretend to move at all.  
  


Kuroo got up, knowing damn well that his friend wasn't going to take the first step. They just recently started having sex and till now, the line where they stood was somewhat blurry. What threw Kuroo off was that Kenma was getting really stiff (and he would even dare to say nervous) on those moments when they had some alone time, because those where the moments where Kuroo felt he could be more like himself. No captain bullshit, no sly bad boy façade.

For Kenma to feel nervous around Kuroo made him feel... Inadequate. Like some dangerous person Kenma had to guard himself of. The cool and always collected Kenma, who always called Kuroo on his bullshit... was suddenly afraid of him?

He ruffled the blond's hair before he got out of the room not saying a word and came back minutes later with two bottles of water. Sure, it wasn't his house, but Kenma felt like home to him. And he was always treated, by Kenma and his mom, like he belonged in the family.

  
When he got back, the urge of touching Kenma pushed him, jumped at him, screamed more loud than the part of himself that was trying to refrain to touch him, to make a suggestive comment, to step over the line of friendship delicately made between them over the years.  
Yes, he could refrain from touching Kenma, but once he started, like he did by touching his hair, his fingers ached and itched, trying to go back to the sweet and warm skin of his childhood friend.

  
Kenma was texting or appeared to do so, now laying on his back on the bed. Kuroo gave up, the image of him so very much enticing to resist. The short boy could read his mind like a book because as the dark-haired boy approached him, he made a space for him on the bed without taking his eyes out of the phone. Kuroo laid beside and hugged him from the waist to hide his face on his friend's neck.  
  
"Is that Hinata?"  
Kenma was tensed up until his friend finally stayed still. Soon, soft kisses were placed on his neck while waiting for an answer.  
"Hmm. Shoyo doesn't like that Kageyama-kun is going to the training camp."  
"Hmm."

There was a silence between them, making a distance even if their bodies were squished together.

“Kuroo.”

“Hmm.”

Kenma hesitated as Kuroo’s kisses stopped.

“You are quiet today.”

Slowly but surely, Kuroo got up and sat on the bed. Kenma watched silently, his eyes pressed on the older boy, seeking for an answer.

“I guess so.” There was a little bit of irritation on Kuroo’s voice.

Kenma let out a very tiny smile as he sat on the bed too. He placed himself behind the dark-haired boy and rested his forehead on the other’s broad back.

"Don't be jealous, it’s just Shoyo."

Busted.  
Brows were furrowed as he snapped his tongue and rolled his eyes, the tension of the air dissolving as the wound on his pride was very easily found. “Why do I have to be jealous of some shrimp?”

Now Kenma hesitated. It was Kuroo who made the first move, gave the first kiss, undressed him first, and he couldn’t deny, at least not anymore, the kind of anxiety he felt every time they were together. He didn’t need much physical touch, but he craved Kuroo’s in a way it was baffling to him. Kenma breathed in as he slowly caved to his desires, hugging the tall boy from behind.

“I don’t know, _Tetsuro_. Why would you have to?”

That would do for now. Kenma was sure.

The unsaid question remained on those silent moments. Fingers were laced together, hands were kissed, cheeks blushed.

“It’s still a pain on the ass that you call me by my name only because of him.”

That was a first. Kuroo was still pissed but the muscles on his back, once a bit tense, were relaxing. Kuroo did his move, pushing Kenma to give the second step, to take the initiative, to not only let himself be kissed, but to actively say and act on his love if he even felt any.

It was a little disappointing to Kenma, as he thought that his childhood friend could understand the silences but also the very, very, very small hints he let out every now and then.

After nothing else was said, Kuroo got up sighing.

“It’s late, I should go home.”

Kenma took way too long and Kuroo knew.

The next day, Kuroo wasn’t there. Normally they went to school together, but Kenma received a very brief text as he got up.

_See you there._

The train to the school was crowded as any other day, but particularly today, the Kenma who always felt like everyone were a pain in the ass, was lonely. As he closed his eyes and sighed, images from his dream appeared before him.

Kuroo taking his shirt off. Kuroo kissing the base of his neck, while his callous hands traveled freely on his torso, sneaking under his shirt, pinching at his nipples, playing with his sensitive skin. Kuroo smiling at him in that sly but also attractive way as he took his penis and slowly traced it with his tongue from the base to the tip. Kuro licking off of Kenma’s index finger, like a cat preening himself, his cum. Kuro touching him, masturbating him, kissing him.

Kenma frowned feeling his irritation getting bigger. Why did Kuroo left his house like that? Why wasn’t Kuroo waiting for him at the train station like every day?

Today Kuroo was a mistery he couldn’t understand.


	2. why does this make me feel so angry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is conflicted trying to understand if Kenma actually has feelings for someone else.
> 
> Kenma is denial: he would never, ever be Kuroo's boyfriend.
> 
> Then why does that make them feel so angry?

Kuroo got as early as possible to the morning practice unable to shake that weird feeling off of him: of being replaceable, unnecessary, but also, and most terribly, unloved. The dark-haired boy twitched his tongue while blocking the lethal whip of Lev’s arm. Today he was particularly smiley but also, ten times more lethal.  
  
"Do you really think you can become our ace like that?"  
  
His tone was calm but his words were filled with quiet venom. He was already a very provocative person, but he knew, as he had riled up every single one of his teammates, that today he had reached a whole new level. As he pushed everyone to do better, to be better, he couldn’t stop thinking about the single person on the team that wasn’t there yet: Kenma.

Kuroo had thought that nothing in their relationship would change after having sex, or if it did, it would be for the better. He had always been aware of his attraction to the shorter boy, but never acted on it as he thought that maybe Kenma wasn’t that interested (but he was kinda sure, in some level, that he was at least half interested) or that maybe it wasn’t the right time. But, when he made the first step and kissed Kenma that fatal but glorious day, he never thought he was going to face such indifference. Or even worse, that he was going to get replaced (for no reason at all) by the Karasuno’s shrimp.

Of course, he was happy and glad that Kenma found a friend in the orange haired boy. They had been exchanging texts and calls almost every day after the Karasuno team had made it to the nationals, and Kuroo knew they inspired each other. Of course, Kenma was allowed (even encouraged) to have more friends than only Kuroo, even if that meant ignoring him by talking on the phone with Hinata for hours when they had an innocent playdate scheduled to play Kenma’s latest videogame at Kuroo’s house when he was sure his family wouldn’t come back till very, very, VERY late. Of course, Kuroo only whished for Kenma’s happiness even if he wasn’t the source of it (though he secretly wished he was). But why, why, why was he so pissed about it? He didn't even know what of all of that made him so mad.

Did Kenma actually had feelings for Hinata and was only using him for sex?

Fuck.

The whole Nekoma team shuddered as their captain was practicing his spikes merciless while the sound of the balls angrily hitting the floor echoed through the whole room.  
  


The only thing that actually made the ambience relax a bit was when the gym’s door opened and a cheerful Bokuto and the rest of the Fukurodani team appeared. "I see, today the kitten bites." The captain of Fukurodani sneered at him making Kuroo more irritated. He spiked one last time the ball to the other side of the net:

  
“And will kick your ass too.”

  
The captains smiled at each other as they exchanged their usual gritty and sarcastic comments, but lucky for him, it made Kuroo feel better (though the little but cute exchanges between Bokuto and Akaashi rapidly made him also envious of that something he didn't have as Akaashi nagged the other about manners). His good mood then disappeared as his mind made him focus on his own personal suffering again.

He was ten times more pissed because the nationals were approaching soon and the Fukurodani team took a whole school day off, as well as the Nekoma, to have friendly matches all day and his mind was somewhere else. He couldn’t just waste this opportunity.

After the first set started, Nekoma’s setter appeared at the gym’s door a little flustered because he forgot about the whole training day, and remembered when Taketora went to fetch him. The only brow raised was from Coach Nekomata who then sent him to warm-up by the other players at the bench. He silently did as he watched the game (the first five points won by Kuroo’s angry spikes) when Lev interrupted his train of thought:

“Your boyfriend is really pissed today”.

Normally Kenma would simply ignore any of Lev’s comments about him being in a relationship with Kuroo. He found them most of the time amusing, and when not, he thought simply that Lev was not worth of his time. But today, especially today, he felt the need to say: "He’s not my boyfriend."

Being Kuroo’s boyfriend? That would never happen.

Kenma couldn’t imagine himself with Nekoma’s captain. On one hand, that would mean facing Kuroo’s small but fearsome fanbase. For some people it could be hard to believe that his bedhead would actually earn him fanboys and fangirls, but there was some aura on him, the way he would smile excited after a nice spike or a very good block that made him ooze of danger and look like someone to be feared. And of course, that attracted some weirdos (not him).

After warming up, the other setter was replaced by Kenma, who took his position at the back of the court. They were at the middle of the first set and apparently losing. Unconsciously he looked at Kuroo and realized he was exchanging rivalry gazes with Bokuto in a friendly but filled with tension silly game. Acording to Kenma, Bokuto was one of those weird fanboys.

Though Bokuto’s and Akaashi’s relationship wasn’t something official or anything they had ever openly discussed, they all knew something was there. Still, if Bokuto wasn’t with Akaashi, Kenma could picture him shamelessly flirting with Kuroo. Someone from Fukurodani served and, as he received it, he imagined, for some stupid reason he couldn’t understand, himself being sandwiched in a threesome with Kuroo and Bokuto. They would try to sneak their hands under Kenma’s clothes with caresses but Kenma would only care for Kuroo’s hands. The blond rapidly discarded that fantasy as he shrouded out of the feeling that Bokuto would be the kind of person to say something stupid like “hey, hey, hey” after he came. Or worst, as he cum.

On the other hand, Kenma couldn’t imagine himself being part of a couple. He couldn’t picture himself in a cute and discreet pair, like the captain of the Karasuno and the vicecaptain, a silver haired boy; like that kind of couple that were always together but are very low-key dating and one wouldn’t assume they are a couple until you saw them kissing and exchanging sweet nothings when they thought no one was looking. He also didn’t imagine being in a couple that thrived in public displays of affection like Bokuto and Akaashi, where one was very needy and the other reluctantly, but also happily, caved in. He just wasn’t comfortable with it and knew that Kuroo craved it in a way it frightened Kenma.

Yaku was replaced by Lev, who quickly (and surprisingly) earned them another point, making them rotate. Now Kenma was, for the first time of the day at the front beside Kuroo. That excited look on the dark-haired boy's face, ready to win this match and end whatever small feud he got today with Bokuto, made him remember that the first time they had sex, Kuroo had been really gentle with him. He looked enthralled, like a kid who finally got the candy he always wanted and kissed him with a hunger of lust as if he had never ever kissed anyone like that before. But even with all the desire, he also made sure to ask Kenma if he liked what he was doing and what he _wanted for Kuroo to do_. Not that Kuroo ran out of ideas. He remembered vividly that Kuroo took his time kissing what felt like every inch of his skin, leaving a ridiculous amount of love marks on his chest, and more at his thighs while smiling devilishly. Kenma had a hunch that Kuroo’s heart could only belong to one person.

Ah, yes, the love marks. He felt the itch to raise even for a tad the hem of his shorts, as he was sure there was still some left that were visible. Still, that stupid fantasy of Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi stuck in his head. For a moment, Kuroo and Bokuto would fight over Akaashi’s attention, trying to see who could make the shorter boy moan more, but eventually, they ended up kissing, making their tongues swirl in a sloppy and passionate kiss.

Kenma jumped as the ball approached to him. He looked at Kuroo and then glanced with contempt at Fukurodani’s ace who was standing just in front of him as he tossed the ball to the other side of the net instead of tossing it to Nekoma’s captain. Bokuto looked taken aback, not because he didn’t even move in time to be fooled by that feint, but because of the scary look Kenma gave him. A whistle was heard. Now Nekoma was winning again.

But he couldn’t be in a relationship with Kuroo because relationships ended. Relationships tore the best of two people who once said they loved each other. Relationships made friends become strangers. A relationship with Kuroo was the last thing he wanted. Hadn’t he seen his mom cry enough times? He always knew he was going to be forever alone but never lonely, because he had Kuroo. But if he didn’t have him… That would be too painful to even think about.

His mind came back to the present moment when Bokuto canalized his energy not at him but at Kuroo, as he loudly exclaimed to the dark-haired boy something like “Fukurodani’s third years will not lose at this match or at the nationals!”. Ah, of course, that was the ridiculous feud Kuroo and Bokuto had today.

Ah, of course. Kuroo will be gone by this time next year.


	3. what were you expecting him to do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Kenma talk about their relationship problems but with other people.
> 
> Expectations are discussed.

“What I hate about this is that it doesn’t make sense. We have sex and he likes it. I know he likes it; I’ve asked.”

The long day of practice with the Fukurodani team had ended and, after he furiously made his part cleaning everything up, Kenma had excused himself saying he felt sick.

Or something.

No one actually heard his mumbles; they just saw him leave.

It wasn’t as late as always, barely 7 pm, but the day had been exhausting. For some more physically, while for others, like Kuroo, mentally. Bokuto and Akaashi stayed behind as they liked to practice after hours with Kuroo; they had the time and the rest of the team were relaxing outside or talking to the Nekomas before going home. There were still a few of them on the gym, but all made sure to stay away of the restless Nekoma captain who had finished his day as he started: practicing his spikes and serves with a force he only used on the best of matches. And while he did that, he also rambled with even more energy about Kenma’s erratic behavior with no warning or sense of discretion to the captain and setter of the Fukurodani team.

Bokuto bit his lip trying to hold his laugh. For him it was as endearing as funny to see Kuroo like that. It was like they were watching a whole new side of the once cool and collected Nekoma’s captain: now with all the bicker and pride away, he looked so needy, compliant but also kind of desperate too. It made him pity the other guy, but just a little, as he could comprehend his feelings.

“And I mean, it’s not like I had the chance to even ask him if he wants to become a couple. Nothing between us have changed but… But at the same time, it’s like he has become more distant.” They could see why this was therapeutic for Kuroo, who they had seen angrily setting out his frustrations on the court with no success. Now that he was talking, his hurricane of emotions was slowly dissolving and allowed him to feel better.

Kuroo squeezed the ball on his hands. He was about to make a jumping serve, but clearly what he was thinking made his nerves tickle and his feet stop. “ _And every single fucking time_ …” He pronounced every single word slowly, getting more restless with each. “That I want to talk him he is always at the phone with the Karasuno shrimp. Like, ok, have friends, that’s cool but talk to me too. He’s avoiding me and I don’t know why.”

He tossed the ball and the savage echo as it hit the floor scared the few people still on the room.

“Maybe you got him pregnant and doesn’t know how to crack the news. Are you ready to be a baby daddy?”

Clearly Bokuto had no sense of danger. The spiker had his arm around the setter’s shoulder as he laughed loudly at his own joke, but that only earned him a light but very effective poke on the ribs by the man he was hugging.

“Stop saying shit, Bokuto-san.”

Kuroo glared at the silver young boy and clicked his tongue annoyed.

“You sure are useless.”

Though it _did_ feel like Kenma was avoiding telling Kuroo _something_.

“And what were you expecting Kozume to do? One day just like that you ended up kissing him and doing stuff… For the sake of keeping things cool and not weird, makes sense to me that he doesn’t want to say a thing. He looks like he wants to live a very quiet no-drama life.” Akaashi’s calm tone made Kuroo stop for a moment to think, sigh, run a hand through his own hair making it even more messy and roll his eyes as he was annoyed at himself.

“I don’t know. I…” He sulked for a bit. Bokuto made himself useful by tossing Kuroo another ball. “I thought things would gradually progress with no fuzz. You know? I did want to ask him out the first time we had sex but he just… changed the subject, ran away, I don’t even know.” He held his head down, ball on his hands, feeling its weight, squeezing it, as if by doing that he could comprehend the mess that he got into. He was still mad at Kenma, but now that he actually talked about it, his mood was going down really fast as things started to click.

“I thought we would eventually become, I don’t know…” He savored the weight of the words in his mouth, unsure if they could actually be said. “ _A couple_. We would go to college, live together, elope. The usual.”

Though they stayed in silence for a moment, the younger of the three whispered to the silver haired who, at hearing Kuroo, couldn’t help but cling a little bit more to him.

“Even Kuroo thinks about _the_ future and he doesn’t even have Kenma. When are you going to think about _the_ future, Kotaro?” Clearly, the conversation had stung on a weak point in their relationship. Akaashi gave his silvered hair companion a look that said many, many things. Bokuto just looked the other way, clearly flustered.

“I guess right now I just want to know if he even likes me. Maybe he thinks I’m playing with him.” Kuroo’s spirits declined even more as he continued, ignoring the couple. “Maybe I put a strain in our relationship that wasn’t necessary. Maybe I should just call it off.”

Bokuto and Akaashi exchanged glances as the now depressed Kuroo was even more scary than his angry version. And, no one there, not even Akaashi with all his experience on controlling Bokuto’s mood swings, knew how to cheer him up.

“Guess you’ll have to find a way to talk to him. Or just straight tell him you don’t want to have sex anymore if that makes you lose the friendship. Even if it’s by text.”

“Guess so.”

*

“Kenma! So, how did it g-”

“Like shit, Shoyo, like absolute shit.”

Hinata got startled at his friend’s burst of anxiety as they talked on the phone. When the first punch of surprise wavered and the grunts of the blond softened, the orange haired boy replied:

“What happened? Did you talk to Kuroo-san after practice?”

Kenma rolled in his bed, flustered, nervous, anxious.

Angry.

A couple hours had passed since he had run away from practice and from Kuroo. After uselessly trying to distract himself by playing game after game after game, everything seemed futile. And now that it was late enough, as he knew Hinata normally got out of practice after 9 pm, he called.

“I hit his head with a serve. And hard, Shoyo.” Kenma just blurted. He rolled again in the safety of his bed, unable to find a position comfortable enough, unable to shake that anxious feeling off.

“He ignored me all day and then I was so mad thinking about him being with Bokuto and Akaashi that I lost my cool and just aimed at his stupid bedhair.”

Clearly Kenma was still having his catharsis by just saying whatever was on his mind, so Hinata patiently waited until he felt it was safe to.

“Ah, first time?” The boy laughed nervously, but the blond didn’t reply. “Did you saw something? I thought Bokuto and Akaashi-san only had eyes for each other.”

“No, I only thought about it. The whole Fukurodani team came to Nekoma for a friendly match before the nationals started. I also forgot that too. Did you know that Kuroo ditched me today? He didn’t wait for me at the station.”

Kenma was not only absolutely irritated by Kuroo’s sudden shun, but also by his own irrational train of thought and his own incapacity to ignore Kuroo as well.

There was a moment of silence as Hinata put the phone on his other ear, thinking.

“And Kuroo-”

“Don’t know. After practice I just ran away.”

“Ah, I see.”

There was a grunt at the other side of the line. Clearly Kenma was having a rough time.

“That’s weird. I thought the rooster head really liked you…”

Kenma sulked on his side of the line. Of course, Hinata would never be able to see his face, but he didn’t mind and he also didn’t reply.

“Kenma, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Do _you_ like Kuroo?”

The blond almost choked, startled by that ridiculous, offensive, obvious question. He froze right there, tightly holding the phone unable to answer. Just as he froze when Kuroo was on his room the other day after practice and his body reacted in a way he didn’t want when the sudden thought of certain feelings came up.

“I…”

And then, something distracted him. A quiet tap that got louder as he turned to the window. Kenma got up and slowly opened it, feeling the tightness in his body making even breathing harder to him.

“Shoyo, can I call you back?”

He hung up the phone as he saw a furrowed brow Kuroo standing on his garden while holding a konbini bag.

“I’ve got a peace offering… Can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you smut and I'm going to give you smut... on the next chapter.
> 
> (I divided this chapter because it was getting really long.  
> P.S: I promised you a quick update, but I'm presenting my undergraduate thesis soon, so the next chapter should be up by Saturday. Send good vibes bcs I'm anxious af. I have to explain a 160 pages investigation and three years of my life in only 20 minutes #brb #slowlydying)


	4. why do you even like me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay. I hope this chapter will make up for it.

Kuroo and Kenma were sitting face to face on the blond’s living room floor. Everything was silent. Normally Kenma would’ve invited Kuroo to his room but right now all he wanted was to keep the tall one at a safe distance, and even more as he was home alone. Everything around him felt heavy. His limbs, his chest, the loud thumps of his heart, his cheeks that felt hot.

The dark haired stared at him while Kenma fidgeted and cursed himself in his mind for leaving his phone back at his room. No more fake “Shoyo is calling, be right back” or “sorry, Shoyo is texting, says it’s important” from him. Just them, alone.

Finally, Kenma looked up and met Kuroo’s gaze.

“Good game today, huh?”

“Hmm.”

And then, silence.

In the seconds that were to follow, ones that felt like the most excruciating hours while those deep hazel eyes pierced through him, he made up his mind. Kenma would stop having sex with Kuroo. Forever.

Ever since they had crossed that subtle friendship line, ever since Kuroo wanted to say the unspeakable, to ask the unsaid question, everything had become a mess. Kenma was restless, breathless, unable to be in the same room as Kuroo without wanting to touch him, to be touched by him, to be loved by him. Those horrible and terrible fantasies of him waking up next to Kuroo, holding his hand, caressing his hair, kissing his skin, straddling his legs while rubbing his own erection to Kuroo’s, stealing moans from him, all of them had to die. Kenma would kill those fantasies.

Finally, Kuroo gave up, diverting his gaze from Kenma looking troubled. He seemed like he wanted to say something difficult. Something that shouldn’t be said.

Maybe Kenma could distract him again. He could sit on Kuroo’s lap, kiss him and almost certainly he would feel the dark-haired boy’s hands travel through his own body, sneak under his shirt, feeling him up. A simple kiss would shut him up. A kiss and maybe something more. Maybe he could feel the warmth of Kuroo’s length for a last time, for old’s time sake, while he was filled with his cum. Kenma shivered from that simple thought.

If they did have sex one last time, maybe everything could go back to the way things were. Maybe he could shove his feelings (what feelings? He didn’t had feelings for Kuroo) in a box.

This time it would work.

Resolute, he slowly stood up.

“Kenma…”

The older boy had a crisp look on his eyes, one that made his will vacillate, preventing him to move further. Then, a soft, defeated sigh escaped from his lips.

“I’m sorry if I caused you pain… because of this. I won’t do it again.”

Kenma looked at Kuroo perplexed, as his more twisted but also unknown fear started to materialize when he saw the incredibly sad look on his stupidly handsome face. He was losing Kuroo. But not because of college, a breakup, a new friend or a pushy fanboy or fangirl. He was losing Kuroo because of his own bullshit.

Kenma took a few steps as the other boy stayed sat. This time he didn’t run away: as they were close enough Kenma lovingly ran his fingers through his dark hair and Kuroo, in response, averted his gaze. Eventually, he leaned in and rested his forehead on Kenma’s hip.

“I know that you like me, Kuroo. I’ve known since third grade.” The blond’s sweet tone filled the silent room and Kuroo’s ears. “Maybe you don’t remember but you said that before you went to college, we would get married.”

Kuroo was surprised that Kenma remembered his risqué and naïve pre-proposal that was more like a statement. Not a “would you marry me when we get older?” type of thing but more like a “I will make you fall in love with me, and then we will get married” I’m-small-I-like-you-a-lot-and-am-desperate statement. As a kid he was so full of bullshit. That thought made Kuroo chuckle softly and, because now they were close enough, he hugged the blond from the waist to hide his face in his torso, fearful that he would run away soon. From where Kenma stood, Kuroo looked really vulnerable.

“I remember. I started to cry when you said no.”

They stayed in silence for a moment while Kenma caressed the boy's hair. For such a tough looking dude, he was actually really soft, tender even. But maybe it was just him. Kenma sighed. This conversation was going to be very hard.

“Why do you want to ruin our relationship?” It was a mumble, but it was loud enough to shatter Kuroo’s insides.

Well, that hurt.

Both froze right then and there. One for his unexpected honesty and the other for a weird mix of feelings coming from that simple question. Kuroo felt on one hand somewhat relieved as Kenma was FINALLY talking to him (better than facing his deadly silence) but, on the other as he really, really, really wanted to stay calm, when he distanced himself and got up, every word that came out of his mouth was heavily pronounced.

“Why am I the one ruining this?” He was… Not angry, not sad, but he wanted to cry out of frustration, out of despair. The horrible pang of thinking he had been replaced by Hinata got him out of breath, but it was an irrational and uncalled thought. He bit his tongue before saying something else, knowing that if let loose, he would say something really hurtful. Now, at the same level as Kenma, he would stop chasing him. “You could’ve said something if you disliked the sex that much, not avoid me every time I wanted to talk about it.”

Kenma had to stay focused. As a non-confrontational person this was hard. To talk was hard, to say the difficult stuff was hard. Kenma looked at Kuroo disgusted as if his friend had insulted him deeply and remained silent.

But that just angered Kuroo.

“Wow, Kenma. If you like someone else THAT MUCH, like _your Shoyo_ , just say it to my face and stop with the pity parade and the lame excuses already.” Kuroo’s tone was unforgivable. He could get really childish when, to Kenma’s surprise, he got jealous.

But that didn’t matter. As Kuroo looked more hurt for the wrong reasons Kenma’s patience was starting to dissolve. Raising his voice, he interrupted his last bit.

“Damn, Kuroo, I don’t want to lose you!”

“And do you think that I want to lose you? Is that what you are saying?”

Kenma kept quiet again, brows and lips furrowed. They had screamed at each other; both lost their patience. Couldn’t be helped for there was so much to be said, and so little that Kenma could now ran away from. They looked really hurt and felt that way too, but as the words started to sink in, the grudges started to dissolve.

Eventually, Kuroo made the first step, as he inhaled and exhaled with his eyes closed, trying to gather the courage before speaking again.

“Do you like me, Kenma?”

He saw the blond froze in discomfort but they had to get through this. He closed the distance between them and carefully took Kenma’s hand between his. “Because if you like me as I do, I would do everything, and I swear, everything to make you happy.”

Kenma felt his cheeks blushing as he quickly averted his gaze. There it was, the unspeakable question.

Kuroo didn’t give up, his voice softening. “But if you don’t…” He stopped, the words hurting way too much. “I’ll also understand. We could take some time apart, stop having sex, and I hope, eventually, be friends again. I’ll be hurt but I won’t be mad at you.”

It took some time before Kenma finally looked at him and replied.

“I can’t be your boyfriend. I can’t be whoever you want me to be.”

Kuroo was taken aback. Definitely not the answer he was expecting because it wasn’t the response of a question he had asked. The thought of saying “not that I want you to be my boyfriend” passed through his head for a single second, but he wasn’t stupid enough to be proudful at that moment. He waited a few seconds and, as the blond hadn’t retired his hand from Kuroo’s, he realized he had a tiny bit of a chance. Kenma always thought like ten steps ahead so Kuroo normally had to try and think what were those other nine steps so they could be at the same reasoning level. His reflexive and analytic self was an advantage and disadvantage in many ways. He was super smart, yes, but sometimes he tended to think way too much ahead and lose sight of the first and most important step. If Kuroo wanted to untangle or resolve whatever worst case scenario the blond had already thought of, first he had to refocus his attention on the small things and not the big picture.

The simple fact that Kenma was finally talking to him, made him at least a little less frustrated.

“So that’s why you are avoiding me? Because you don’t want to be my boyfriend?”

“Can’t. I can’t.”

It was a mumble, but one that he could actually hear.

“Because if you become my boyfriend you think I’ll make you be like…”

“Like those other couples… Like Bokuto and Akaashi.”

“Kenma, ugh. No one wants to be like them.”

“But still…”

Finally, Kenma averted his gaze, but his hand rested comfortably between Kuroo’s. He waited in the silence, slowly caressing him with his thumb.

“But, do you like me, Kenma?”

Kenma looked at him, hurt. Still, his crisp gaze could mean many, many things. Even if the blond flinched, he didn’t cave in, he didn’t even for a single second try to get away from him. Kuroo softened his tone because right now Kenma looked really scared.

“Please, Kenma, I need to know.” Kuroo sighed. He took the boy’s hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “I don’t care about the boyfriend thing. I just… I just want to know if you like me as much as I like you.”

He had taken a bold step. Now one of three things could happen: to be plainly and painfully rejected, to have another futile discussion about relationships, or to know, finally, if Kenma felt like he did.

It was time for Kenma to rose to the occasion and end this thing once and for all. He bit his lip as he stared at the big hands that hold his. It was a warm feeling. Suddenly the anxiety was a little less frightening, all the scenarios in his head less somber. Damn Kuroo and his stupid way of knowing him just enough.

But the feeling, the stupid and terrible anxiety, was still there. He just had to say one more lie and everything would end right then and there. Pack everything into its box and go on like nothing had ever happened.

And then, he saw Kuroo’s tender hazel eyes.

“… I do like you.”

Kenma stopped there, unable to say anything more. As his mouth and mind rebelled, he was surprised by his own honesty. But, while Kenma looked surprised, Kuroo’s face lit up and the unbearable weight of uncertainty lifted off of their shoulders.

Fuck.

Kenma didn’t lift his gaze from the other’s, wary, as if he was expecting even the slightest flinch to run away again. But he didn’t find any. Instead, he was received by those same loving eyes of always. Unable to hide his excitement, Kuroo hugged Kenma by the waist shortening the distance between them. As they got closer, his gaze averted to Kuroo’s lips but, as much as he wanted to kiss them, to kiss him, he put his fingers on them.

“I can’t be your boyfriend.”

He whispered again, now a little bit sad as he caressed the plump lips before him. He would certainly miss kissing them, feeling already defeated.

He always thought of Kuroo as a more traditional guy, the type that would dream of college, marriage and kids. His dream goals would be a stable life, a simple job, a beautiful husband or wife, tons of extroverted friends. For a tough looking guy, the Kuroo that he knew would want the most basic but also simple things in life. And because of that, he was sure there was no possible way he could fit into that kind of shining perfect dream.

But then again, Kuroo surprised him. The dark-haired boy just laughed lightly against his fingertips, and rested his forehead on Kenma’s.

“It’s not like it’s going to make such a difference, is it? My heart is yours anyway.” And then, just like that, Kuroo blushed furiously as if he hadn’t realized that his words reflected the deepness of his feelings for the blond or even worst, the kind of power Kenma had over him.

Kenma looked at him startled for a moment (probably more starstruck than anything else). It was almost offensive the way Kuroo just disregarded his fear, the thing that he was sure would make their relationship shatter. And instead of agreeing, like he had thought he would, that _that_ would be a big deal breaker, Kuroo just kissed him.

And it was electrifying.

In contraposition with the first time they ever kissed, where both of them held back a little, unsure of the other’s feelings, this time it was liberating just giving oneself, as if they already belonged to the other, no matter the label they put on their relationship. For Kenma being a part of a couple felt restraining and asphyxiating, but knowing that Kuroo was his either way made him lose all the anxiety he had been carrying those horrible weeks.

And so, he let loose. He circled Kuroo’s shoulders with his arms as the kiss got deeper and the distance between their bodies shortened. He opened his mouth and shivered when he welcomed Kuroo’s tongue, as he sucked his bottom lip and started to trace it the same way Kenma had done with his fingertips on his. It wasn’t long until their tongues joined in the middle dancing to their owners’ joy. Kuroo found himself starting to follow the hunger he always had for Kenma, one that was not only lustful or vicious, but that craved for his warmth. His fingers itched, longing for the skin to skin contact as he played with the hem of Kenma’s shirt until, finally, he dived in under his clothes caressing the line of his back with his fingers.

That earned him a moan from Kenma, who broke the kiss as he grasped for air while the shivers of pleasure started drawing waves in his bodies. Kuroo moved away from his mouth tracing his jaw with soft and wet kisses until he got down on his neck. He lifted the blond’s chin with one hand by caressing from the base of his neck to the top of his bottom lip. That way, he could have more room to kiss.

To fuck with Kuroo was always a mind-blowing experience as he always treated him with an unexpected tenderness. He would kiss his neck, sucking lightly on the same place to eventually leave a light love mark while holding him captive in a tight hug. The sensorial experience of his hands finding at the same time all the ways possible to caress and line every inch of his skin was intense. It wasn’t long until Kenma felt Kuroo’s awakening length rubbing on his leg.

“Tetsuro…” Kenma let out with a moan, his mind already made a fuss, and the word he had always fantasized saying finally escaped his lips. His hands were lightly scratching the tall boy’s broad back but he moved one to his navel. Slowly, he slided it down and began rubbing Kuroo’s length over the clothes. “Tetsuro… Please, touch me.”

Kuroo didn’t replied right away, but bit Kenma's neck enthusiastically as he flinched because of the pleasure of being touched by Kenma, of hearing his name so gorgeously moaned by those desired lips. Kenma gasped enthralled at the change of pressure in his neck and that only made him cling to the tall boy even more.

Kuroo took Kenma’s chin with both hands and kissed him deeply, sucking on his bottom lip from time to time, both moaning and exchanging breaths. Giving unsure steps, not wanting to get away from each other for even a bit, they settled down on the couch. Kuroo climbed on top of him to resume the kissing, but Kenma rebelled by grabbing Kuroo’s shirt and taking it off and then, in a bold move, taking his own shirt too.

The tall boy took a moment to look at Kenma and smiled from ear to ear as he scanned that beautiful skin of his. He could also see that Kenma was as aroused as he was and he didn’t waste time as he placed his hands on the young one’s torso. Kenma shivered in pleasure as he was caressed by his strong fingertips until they stopped when they got to the button of his pants. Kuroo got down, hungrily as ever and placed a soft trail of kisses from his collarbone to his chest until he stopped at his navel to leave a love mark there. Kenma fidgeted, unable to stay still as that zone was too sensitive for him, but more so as Kuroo’s hands were slowly sliding his pants off. Kenma sank his fingers on his dark hair as he bit his lip when Kuroo, with no warning at all, traced the shape of his arousal with his tongue over Kenma’s underwear, leaving a wet trail over it. It was unfair because Kenma wanted to be cool, wanted to resist as much as he could but Kuroo wouldn’t stop, now sucking the tip of his cock, with the friction between the fabric and his skin making him moan.

“T-Tetsuro…” He breathed out again in a loud pant, but that only increased his excitement as now his hands travelled on Kenma’s thighs gently squeezing the inner side of them. It wasn’t long until he freed Kenma from his underwear and, eager, took his length as a whole in his mouth. Kenma gasped loudly, grabbing Kuroo’s hair with force with one hand while with the other he tried to muffle his own mewls. But none of it mattered because they were home alone and the living room was filled by the obscene sounds of Kuroo’s tongue sloppily sucking on him.

The blond took his hand out of Kuroo’s hair and instead lightly scraped his broad back until he could get a hold of Kuroo’s arm to pull his right hand. The other just complied, his whole attention concentrated in giving pleasure to the shorter boy. A sudden jolt made him stop for a second as Kenma started sucking his middle finger in a feverish rush. Kuroo moaned too as he was now stupidly watching the blond run his fingertips on the surface on his lips before lightly biting on them and then disappearing them into his wet mouth. He blinked twice, unable to keep the steady rhythm of sucking his cock as now the image of Kenma doing the same to him was too enticing. But even better, to imagine filling Kenma again, now with those three wet fingers, made his own arousal twitch inside pants that now felt too tight.

Lucky for him, his arms were long, so he could keep the blond boy entertained with his own fingers while he got further down on him. He sucked Kenma's testicles slowly, putting each on his mouth and playing them with his tongue, while with his free hand he started to masturbate Kenma. Then, he got down enough to draw circles on his entrance, with his eyes still stuck on Kenma sucking on him.

At one moment both flinched of pleasure, one because Kuroo, after some light teasing, was pushing his tongue on him, opening and prepping him up, and the other, because Kenma got his fingers inside of his mouth and the feeling of being sucked was enough to make him feel impatient.

Kuroo got up and exchanged his fingers for his own mouth and devoured Kenma as he rapidly moved his hand to the blond’s entrance.

The first finger went in slowly, making sure he wasn’t hurting the other, but as he asked for more in soft moans and by sinking his nails on Kuroo’s biceps, he couldn’t help but to introduce the second finger and start moving them both as soon as he got deep inside him.

Kenma moaned loudly again, now with nothing that could cover the sweet sounds he was making and with Kuroo enjoying deeply the fact that he was the one that made him so excited.

Knowing he had rushed way too much, Kuroo changed the paced of the kissing making it slower, much passionate, letting the blond get accustomed to his fingers moving back and forth, opening and closing them in a scissor way. It was hard, really hard, because he wanted to ram inside of him, to listen to those beautiful moans fill the air, but he had to wait. Kenma circled Kuroo's hips with his legs and started moving on his own. Kuroo smiled in the kiss and broke away just enough to watch Kenma’s facial expressions.

“Are you okay? Do you like it?” He whispered, leaving soft kisses on his face while the blond could only nod. He had his eyes tightly closed and bit his lip from time as slow waves of pleasure roamed through his body.

“I-I can take another one.” He got to pant.

“You sure?” Then another sure nod. Kuro got down on his neck to kiss it, bite it, mark it, and slowly inserted a third finger.

Kenma tightened his grip against the tall boy’s shoulder he was grabbing. This time, he whimpered a little. Usually for them, the third finger was the hardest. Kuroo stopped going in longer but insisted on the kisses to make him relax. “Do you want me to stop? I will.”

He waited until Kenma finally responded again by slowly moving his hips against him. But that wasn’t enough for Kuroo who, from just a glance, could tell he was painfully flinching instead of enjoying it. Very carefully, he took out his fingers from Kenma one by one and, though the blond silently complained, eventually his face softened again. Kenma laid there, eyes still shut and beat up and with a hard on that looked almost as painful. His breathing was still rapid and erratic, a very clear sign that Kenma had gotten flustered to a next level.

Kuroo was aware the boy could and most likely would get overwhelmed from too much physical contact so he let him relax without touching him until his breath evened out and he opened his eyes again.

“Are you ok?” He removed strands of hair from Kenma’s face while the blond nodded, looking more disappointed than anything else.

Kuroo didn’t mind it. Instead he gave him a quick peck on the lips with a tender smile. “Bed? Cuddles?” To which Kenma just nodded again.

The two boys slowly got out of the couch and grabbed whatever piece of clothing was left on the floor. Kenma was almost full naked and only because he was embarrassed of letting his still-too-hard erection be seen, he put on his underwear again. Kuroo grinned as he glanced with pride up and down the setter’s body. The new love marks shined through but there were some old that could still be visible.

“Why are you so smiley?” Kenma glared at him, clearly not amused.

Kuro just shrugged, still smiling devilishly. “No reason. Just remembered that you like me.”

Kenma grunted displeased but nonetheless the air around them was playful. Kuroo followed Kenma to his room while they bickered.

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“I do n-”

“You do.”

Kuroo just plopped his shirt carelessly on Kenma’s night stand before lying on his bed as nonchalant, his back against the headboard. At least that took the nervousness off of the blond, who decided to fold his clothes as slow as possible to gather the courage to go with Kuroo.

“Why do you even like me, anyways?” He sulked avoiding meeting Kuroo’s hazel eyes. He was more upset with himself, figuring if he was someone else maybe they wouldn’t have as much problems having sex. Kuroo wouldn’t have to wait for Kenma though he never looked bothered by it.

“Why? I feel safe around you. You know me better than anyone else.” Like most of the things he said, he did without thinking or really caring, in a pure and honest way. He stretched for a bit on the bed, enjoying the simple act of being around Kenma and feeling like everything had gotten back to normal. The smell of Kenma everywhere was also nice too. He smiled to himself. “You are also hot. And you're kind with people. I also admire you. A lot.”

Kuroo crossed his arms into his chest, now trying to decide his why. Wasn’t it just as simple and plainly because Kenma was Kenma?

The blond climbed up the bed and sat on Kuroo’s lap, kissing him deeply before he got to talk more. It wasn’t long until Kuroo’s hands were feeling him up, caressing his torso while he caved in the kiss, but his smile, big and uncontrollable, made him ruin the moment. “Are you trying to shut me up?” He laughed more than amused.

Kenma just rolled his eyes, blushing in a way that it couldn’t be helped. “I am.”

“Damn, Kenma, I like you a lot.” Kuroo was giddy. He took Kenma by the chin again and kissed him deeply, this time not letting him go. The blond went along, not displeased at all as he rolled his hips just a little bit under the false pretense of adjusting himself. Kuroo was still hard and now he was too. Kenma rubbed himself on the dark-haired boy, as the shape of his length was perfectly aligned with his hips. Kuroo slid his hands to grab his ass, squeezing it first gently until his excitement made his grip tighten more. Kenma hummed softly to his lips sliding his tongue inside Kuroo’s mouth.

They kissed for a while just like that, teasing each other and building momentum, until both of them had to grasp for air.

Kuroo’s eyes were almost all dark, full of lust and want, when they separated. Because Kenma was on top of him, he lifted his own hips to rub them indiscreetly against his ass. “You got me all hard, Kenma…”

That sensation was amazing. Kenma just hummed and let all of his weight rest on Kuroo to circle his shoulders with his arms and give him small pecks on his lips. In that position Kuroo could perfectly feel Kenma’s own erection on his stomach, the fabric of his underwear being the only thing between them. “Do you want to try again?”

Kuroo looked at him surprised as he thought he was the one supposed to ask that question. “I do. Do you?”

“I do.”

“Apple?”

“Apple.”

After confirming their safe word, both smiled. Kenma rapidly got up and reached the night stand where he kept the lube and condoms tightly hidden while Kuroo took that time to undress. With their clothes finally discarded he got up to get Kenma back into the bed and hugged him from behind. He rubbed his full erection between his ass' cheeks and kissed his neck leaving a trail of sloppy and wet kisses. Kenma enjoyed the contact for a moment but decided to grab Kuroo’s arms and pull him to the bed to their original positions with him straddling Kuroo's hips.

They kissed with an unexpected hunger for the other, opening almost immediately their mouths as their tongues found in the middle. In a typical Kuroo fashion he was the first to put his hands on Kenma and made them travel through his body. He paid especial attention to his thighs, which he loved, caressing them from knee to hip, though he was stopped when he tried to touch the other’s boy erection that was actually rubbing against his. Instead, Kenma made Kuroo put his hand on his own bleached hair, which Kuroo knew that meant he was already thinking of something. No time was lost as Kenma easily opened the lube without looking and filled his hands with the cold liquid.

The blond slowly started to masturbate them with both his hands which made Kuroo jolt and tighten his grip on Kenma’s hair. He actually held their penises together and with his hands tightly closed around them, the friction generated was delicious. After getting more or less accustomed to the sensations, Kuroo, with his free hand, took the lube and, as he could, coated his fingers with a generous quantity. It wasn’t long until he circled the blond’s entrance with them and a first finger came in easily.

Kenma’s movements were slow but decided as the friction of masturbating himself and Kuroo, the wet kisses and the grip on his hair overpowered every other sensation. Lucky for him, the first and then second finger that went in his entrance joined in the pleasure waves he was experimenting. Kuroo broke the wet kisses for a moment to watch Kenma’s expressions but found himself with an aroused, blushed and concentrated boy. He grinned widely as he rested his forehead on the other’s, moving slowly his fingers inside him.

“Would you call me Tetsuro again?”

He went in a little further, making Kenma moan and wither on top of him. When the first waves of pleasure passed, Kenma could look at him amused, putting a little extra pressure on Kuroo’s cock.

“You would like that a lot, don’t you?”

The dark-haired bit his lip while smiling, trying to not move his hips in want of more contact, but it was inevitable. Of course, Kenma knew how to make him feel the best.

“Senpai would be nice too.”

“Never.”

They laughed before joining again in a kiss. Unlike the first time, Kenma now felt relaxed and more stretched. It wasn’t until the blond murmured to his lips “One more” and sighed into the kiss, putting more pressure as he masturbated them, that a third finger slowly went in.

Because they were so tightly linked together, one thing one did reflected on the other’s action on the first one. So, when Kuroo finally filled him up, Kenma leaned into him, biting the boy's lip and increased the rhythm of his hands moving on their penises. Kuroo moaned in the kiss and like so, without realizing, he tightened his grip on Kenma’s hair, making him moan too.

Both of them slowly increased their paces, and Kenma too started moving his hips as Kuroo opened and closed his fingers, stretching the way for him.

“Kuroo…” Kenma complained to his lips, wanting more, unable to keep up with his own movements as he was now erratically trying to coordinate his hands and his hips and failing incredibly at so.

Kuroo was also feeling anxious too, the mere thought of filling Kenma with his cock made it twitch in the blond’s hands. It would be an understatement to say he didn’t trust himself enough. He retired his fingers from Kenma and began stupidly searching for the lube until he got his hands on it. The blond, as impatient as he was, just stared at him, moving along after Kuroo had gotten his length all lubed up again and put some on Kenma’s too. The blond could notice hesitation on the tall boy, who nervously had him grabbed by the hips, lifting him enough to align himself.

“What’s wrong?”

Kuroo moved his head side to side, trying to brush it off. Slowly, he put the tip on the blond and let him mark the pace as he sank slowly on him. This position was new and the deepness in which he felt Kenma was way, way, way too much. A weak and trembling “Fuck” came out of Kuroo’s mouth as he rapidly took the blond’s hands and laced their fingers together tightly, resting their arms over Kuroo’s head. He could feel Kenma’s shiver as he used his hips to adjust himself and he could swear he was trying his best to not just ram against the blond.

But it was a pleasurable moment. Even more as Kenma started moving his hips and leaned in to kiss him. Their erratic breaths combined between huffs and moans as Kenma marked the pace. The blond unlaced their fingers and instead sank them on Kuroo’s biceps to gain traction. They were off synch that night as Kuroo was trying to kiss Kenma slowly, but the blond just wanted to go faster in every possible way.

Kenma eventually broke the kiss to look at Kuroo who was painfully clinging to the headboard and with a weird look on his face.

“Something wrong?” Kenma insisted. Still, that didn’t stop him from moving his hips, now that he had Kuroo’s eyes on him, in a sensual way.

“Trying to behave… is hard.” The dark-haired boy huffed, noticing that after all that kissing, now Kenma’s lips were beautifully red and swollen.

“Then don’t.”

Kenma smiled fully, and that rocked Kuroo’s world more than anything else. His confidence gave Kuroo the self-assurance he needed in that moment. Without losing a single moment more, his hands inevitably traveled to Kenma’s ass, opening his cheeks so he could lift his hips to start moving on his own. Fast.

“Fuck, Tetsuro” Kenma moaned, lost in the way the dark-haired boy always knew how to make him feel so good. Though he could have problems at first, he wasn’t made of paper, he wouldn’t break when treated roughly. Instead, he found himself thriving at the mere thought of being the one who could actually see that wild side of Kuroo. All for himself. The sound of their skin clashing against each other filled the room and could actually overpower the moans and grunts that escaped the boys’ mouths.

Kuroo at one moment changed the pace completely, as he rammed against Kenma slowly but deeply and with force. Nonetheless, it didn’t hurt at all. They kissed again as, because of all that movement, Kuroo’s back slided from the headboard and now he was fully resting on the bed.

“Wait.” At some moment, Kenma took Kuroo’s hands and linked them together and he purposely sank deliciously deep into Kuroo.

Kuroo shut his eyes as he grunted loudly out of pleasure, moving against that deepness which made Kenma quiver too. They both moved at the same time, the pace and the force all fucked up, both just wanting to increase that crazy rhythm they had.

There was a moment where Kuroo just lifted his hips and thrusted rapidly into Kenma and the other boy just couldn’t take it, his breathing almost sounding like hyperventilation. But instead of stopping or safe wording, he leaned in to kiss Kuroo deeply trying to breath consistently while the dark-haired boy filled him up an addictive way.

“T-Tetsuro” Kenma moaned in his lips as they were constantly changing their hands positions. Sometimes they were holding hands, then Kuroo would have him grabbed by the hips trying to keep the setter on a steady position but then, they would just grab whatever piece of bed they could as to increase the rhythm on their hips. Finally, Kuroo took Kenma’s and laced their fingers together putting their hands over his head. That had the blond stretched and allowed Kuroo to lift his hips and ram to the setter’s sweet spot.

That made both of them unravel in huffs and moans as the movements got more furious. Kuroo could feel Kenma’s legs shivering because of the pleasure and his own orgasm coming up soon. But before he could say anything, Kenma was already clinging tightly to him, whispering in their kiss a weak and lost in pleasure “T-Tetsu, I want to cum”. Kuroo just nodded as he made more sharps movements trying to provoke all of the beautiful moans only Kenma could do.

“I too.” He wasn’t making any sense, but it was enough for the blond to understand. “Can I cum inside?” But Kenma was already lost in pleasure and could barely nod when finally, he clenched his muscles around Kuroo and came on their stomachs. It wasn’t long until Kuroo did the same and filled Kenma with his semen while pushing himself further deep on him. Kuroo thrusted a few times on Kenma while decreasing the rhythm before he got out completely.

He was beat.

Kenma plopped on Kuroo and they just hugged for a while trying to breathe normally again. There was a moment when Kuroo extended his arms and murmured something along the lines of “don’t move, I’m going to clean us up”, but he didn’t move nor opened his eyes at all. After all, he had spent the whole day angrily spiking, yelling at everyone and whatnot. Kenma just laughed giddy.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Kenma could finally ask after a few minutes, but Kuroo just nodded already half asleep.

The blond got up slowly and reached for some tissues to clean them up and after that, he went to the kitchen for some water. He didn’t particularly like the feeling of his butt all sticky, but it was nice knowing who did that belong to. When he got back to his room, he found Kuroo dead asleep on his side, like he was waiting for someone. And, after Kenma climbed to his bed, Kuroo automatically hugged him from behind, filling the blond with his warmth.

He was too dazed and there was a weird happy feeling coming from his insides when he was got hugged from the man he… From the man he… From Kuroo.

He took the dark-haired boy’s hand and, as he laced their fingers together again, he imagined what the next steps for them would be like. Kuroo could care less about the boyfriend thing, he didn’t even bat a lash and was just plain happy that Kenma liked him too. Could Kenma fit into Kuroo’s plan of being boyfriends then husbands then family with kids? As he took the tall boy’s hand and kissed it (earning a happy hum from a very asleep Kuroo), he did think that, even if he couldn’t picture himself in a wedding, he did imagine himself being the object of jealousy when they went shopping and, after some random boy or girl started hitting on Kuroo, he would get all clingy on Kenma and would most likely show off their matching rings as the proudful dork he was.

Slowly, he started falling asleep at the sound of Kuroo’s relaxing and soft breathing. He would like that a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.  
> I lied.  
> There's going to be an epilogue. 🌚


	5. what am I to you?

After a really, really, really long time of waiting (just a week later), Kenma popped the question:

“Kuroo… If someone asks what am I to you, what would you say?”

They had spent the night at Kuroo’s house. It was no weird feat for them to stay at each other’s home randomly nor any of their parents cared. Kuroo, who was still half asleep, even if he had turned off his phone alarm, breathed in on Kenma’s hair, snuggling up to him without opening his eyes.

Kenma looked at his sleeping face while being tightly held by those muscular yet very loving arms. It was definitely funny how most people viewed Kuroo as a dangerous person, when, in Kenma’s perspective, he was not. 

“I would say you are… the person that I love the most.”

Kenma fidgeted as his face blushed furiously, knowing Kuroo said that kind of things in a half true, half teasing way. Still his words were unexpected. He rolled his eyes, even if Kuroo wasn’t watching and poked at his ribs out of vengeance. “Not what I meant.”

Kuroo laughed softly. He sounded raspy and half asleep, his voice a tad lower than it normally was.

Fuck.

Kenma liked him _a lot._

He had to wait until Kuroo’s brain actually finished waking up to obtain an actual answer, as he wouldn’t give in. The dark-haired boy refused to open his eyes, but instead he tightned his hug and tried to find new ways to tangle their limbs together. Kuroo rolled slightly so he could be face to face with Kenma. Then, he slipped his hands around him, so their bodies could be tightly pressed together. He rubbed his nose on Kenma’s forehead until the shorter boy looked up. That way, he could kiss his lips; first in a loving, pure way, and then, slowly increasing the rhythm. Finally, he bit Kenma’s lower lip, robbing a soft moan from him as he placed his leg between Kenma's. That way, when he snuck his hands under Kenma’s shirt and the blond jolted in unexpected pleasure because his cold hands lovingly caressed the small of his back, he indirectly rubbed himself on Kuroo’s hardness.

By that moment, Kuroo would have kissed and caressed and touched Kenma enough to have him as aroused as he ways.

Only after stealing his every breath away, Kuroo finally caved in and split from Kenma’s rosy lips. He left a last kiss on the tip of his nose and smiled at him, now eyes fully open and awake, with a fondness that the blond could not get accustomed.

“Morning… ‘Am sorry, you asked something?”

Ok, maybe Kuroo was a little bit dangerous.

Kenma was now unable to move unless he wanted to rub himself off entirely on Kuroo’s hard-on and also unable to look away, as he got starstruck by that loving smile. Though he wanted to remain cool, his cheeks blushed without his permission. Unwantedly, he just repeated his question now in a softer tone.

“If someone asks what am I to you… What would you say?”

After a little bit of thinking, Kuroo replied unconcerned:

“I would say you are the person that I love the most. Why?”

 _Love._ There was that word again. And now fully conscious he repeated t _hat_.

Kenma didn’t reply and just scrunched his face unable to process whatever Kuroo had just said, which made Kuroo quickly realize the gist of it all.

He averted his gaze from Kenma’s eyes by sneaking under his neck, kissing and teasing his skin again before purring playfully against him: “Ah. Do you want me to say that we are _just friends_?”

His hands slipped under Kenma’s shorts, grabbing his ass and forcing that delicious contact between the two that he was craving. And then he waited. Though it was just for a moment, he realized that Kenma wasn’t complaining but also, he was not enthusiastically participating in what he wanted to be a morning make out session. Quickly, he retired his hands from the blond and made a little bit of a distance between their bodies.

“I am sorry, Kenma, are you okay?”

Thinking he had fucked up, he reached to the blond’s face. But instead, he met with a furiously blushing Kenma.

“…Can you say that I am your boyfriend next time someone asks?”

Though he stammered while trying to get the words out of his mouth, his tone was serious and his voice, while soft, was decided. Kuroo though that he had taken his time getting those words out because maybe he just needed to gather the courage. Or, in a more realistic way, maybe he _seriously_ disliked the thought of Kuroo saying they were _just friends_.

Kenma was ok.

Kuroo sighed happy as he tried the words on his mouth, for the first time out loud, not really knowing what Kenma had planned, but rolled with it anyways.

“Kenma is my boyfriend.” The way he emphasized the _my_ in a proud but also possessive way made Kenma’s heart flutter. The blond rolled over Kuroo, straddled his legs and kissed him deeply without saying anything else. They had gone a little soft but that could be solved rather fast.

Kuroo gave in easily, opening his mouth and letting Kenma’s tongue inside it. His hands returned to the blond’s body, feeling the little curves his body had. The slow but decided roll from Kenma's hips against his own gave him the security to slide his hands and again, grab his ass.

“Would you say that I am your boyfriend if someone asked?”

Kenma only replied with a a little but sure smile against their kiss.

Kuroo grabbed Kenma’s hands and put them over their heads on the pillows, lacing their fingers together. Now, with their hands tightly clasped together, and with Kuroo secured to the bed by Kenma’s thighs, the blond could take his time kissing him, slowly rolling his hips to make a now fidgeting Kuroo even more aroused.

Kenma thought it was really sweet that Kuroo could be turned on so quickly and with so little. If Kenma was afraid of the older boy being all over the place on him all the time, he would later realize that a well love-fed Kuroo would stay out of his way most of the time. They didn’t need to have sex necessarily, but those little gestures, like taking his hand, snuggling up to him while playing videogames on the train, letting him touch him every now and then, worked wonders. Not that he didn’t love that kind of affections from him, he just wasn’t used to them (at least not in public) and could easily get overwhelmed because of them. Instead, when ignored for a long time or when they spent way too much time apart, Kuroo would get angsty AND handsy. And that could only be placated with sex.

Kuroo wasn’t the anxious type, but maybe his high sex drive and the way he would get needy at times had much more to do with the feelings he had for Kenma, than by anything else. It was just a theory, but after all those years he had known Kuroo, he had never seen him put that kind of (in love?) face with anyone else.

Without a warning, Kuroo rolled on the bed putting Kenma on his back. He pinned the blond’s arms to the bed and offered a loopsided smile.

“And are you playing with my heart or do you really want me to be yours?”

Kenma was zero impressed with Kuroo’s bad boy façade and didn’t even try to escape from his playful pinning. Thinking he was just playing, the blond clicked his tongue before raising a brow, faking an upset accent. “Thought you said you were mine already.”

Kuroo’s grin got wider. He released Kenma’s arms and instead got down to kiss him. The short boy circled his shoulders instead, caving into a kiss that was deeper than it appeared. And then, when he had Kenma captivated enough, he distanced himself from his lips.

“I am. Not that you want me to, though.”

It wasn’t just the comment that shocked Kenma in a whole new level. It was the seriousness in Kuroo’s face as he sulked out of nowhere and the way their playful conversation got really deep in just a second. Kenma couldn’t hide his surprised expression or the way his lips twitched nervously because of it. He really thought he knew Kuroo, really did, but this version of himself was new to him.

Before he even had time to even ask or say anything, Kuroo continued.

“Why now? What made you change your mind?”

Kuroo’s tone changed from playful to serious to conflicted in a moment, maybe having realized the bitter of his comment. But to the blond, there was an inch of anxiety in his voice, of vulnerability. Kenma rapidly took the dark-haired boy’s cheeks between his palms, copying the way he sometimes assured Kenma when he was feeling anxious; and he looked directly at those beautiful hazel eyes.

“I do want you.” The thought of losing Kuroo because of not reassuring his (love?) for him like it had nearly happened was real. And that was enough to soften the dark-haired boy’s facial expression, but not quite. “But…” Kenma retired his hands from the other’s face, fidgeting with his fingers, clearly uncomfortable about what he was going to say. He rolled his eyes, annoyed at himself, trying to gather the words, to find the correct phrasing.

“But?”

“There was a girl…”

“A girl?”

“Yes, a girl.” Kenma repeated not amused at all, now full of shame because of what he was going to say. “She came by after practice. I think she was a 2nd year, because I had seen here before. And, because I was close to the door, she asked me if you had a girlfriend.” The blond had to stop as his “emotional constipation” face (according to Kuroo) came back.

There was an awkward silence for a second or two, and then, the loud laugh from the dark-haired boy who had rolled on his side, break it off.

“I swear to God, Kenma, the only one who has ever heard love confessions from my “fanclub” is you.” It wasn’t the first time Kenma complained about someone asking for Kuroo, to the point that the tall boy honestly believed sometimes Kenma made it up. Yes, there were times where random boys or girls approached to him, but they never did more than ask for the time or directions. And the whole “you are intimidating, that’s why they always cower up” bit wasn’t believable to him. He stared at the ceiling with a full stupid smile only to roll again to watch the blond intently. “And what did you say?”

“Shut up.” The blond mumbled pissed, crossing his arms on his chest, rolling his eyes. This was important for Kenma. Wasn’t Kuroo enjoying it way too much?

“"I told her the truth. She asked me if you had a boyfriend or girlfriend and I said that you don’t. Then she left. Hopeful, I think.” He said the last phrase clearly more upset.

“Didn’t you tell her that my heart was yours?”

“That’s not what she asked.”

Now Kenma was the one sulking.

As Kuroo was lying sideways, he rested his head on the palm of his hand and his torso lifted a little because of the angle. His laughter had died down and was replaced by a soft humming while he thought. Now that Kenma had fully expressed his feelings, he could see where he was coming from.

“But do you want me to _say_ that I am your boyfriend or do you want me to _be_ your boyfriend?”

It hadn’t been long since they had “confessed” their feelings for each other (if Kenma rejecting Kuroo but admitting he liked him could count as that). They hadn’t talked much about it but Kenma had realized talks like this about them being _something_ made Kuroo’s heart flinch. He honestly felt bad because much of his preconceptions about Kuroo as a romantic partner were wrong or not quite as accurate as he thought. Not that he could’ve learned much in just a week, but since they were kids, Kuroo had always accepted Kenma fully, as he was, so now it felt stupid of him to think he would try to change him. Still, the unexplored land of romantic relationships was too scary for him. And because of that the idea of them being a couple was… Unthinkable.

Maybe it had been stupid of him to ask that kind of question without thinking it through, but it was done. His silence, unforgiven by Kuroo, was long noticed so maybe it was time to talk about it. Kenma slowly sat on the bed, and opened his mouth, ready to say the words rather slowly, aware of their significance.

“Hypothetically, what would we do as boyfriends?”

Kuroo wasn’t surprised at the question, nor mad or angry. He was actually happy Kenma felt ready to talk. Still, there was something in the way the whole topic was brought up that hurt. But instead of complaining, he sat on the bed too, ready to talk with the most serene tone he had. After all, Kenma had asked, not hopeful or scared, but more in a neutral tone, asking for information so he could make a well thought decision.

“Well, that depends. What would you want us to do? We could be, for example, exclusive, if that’s what you want. We-”

“You don’t want us to be exclusive?” Kenma quickly interrupted. “Can you do that?”

Kuroo laughed softly, surprised by the sudden interest. “I know couples that are not exclusive...” He said after thinking carefully. “That’s why every part involved should talk it out first before agreeing being in a relationship.” He pressed his lips together, thinking. The he sighed, and slowly took Kenma’s hand and kissed it, his eyes staring at the blond with a deadly seriousness. “I would _love_ to be only yours and to call you mine too. Being exclusive.”

_Love_. There was that word again.

Kenma got startled by that act of gallantry, and moved his tongue on his cheek trying not to smile because of it. “Exclusive, huh?” His voice got softer after it. “I would like that too.”

Kuroo went back to his normal, not flirty way. He didn’t want to push Kenma into something he wasn’t ready or something he didn’t want.

Still, it hurt.

“Good. As boyfriends we could be exclusive.”

“Do we have to act different? I just… I like the way we hang out, go for ice cream, talk… Have sex, kiss… Sometimes cuddle. You know, I like how we are, right now.”

Conflicted, Kenma didn't let go of Kuroo's hands, fidgeting nervously with his fingers, sometimes, interlacing them thinking that would make him feel less anxious. He had comfortably ignored all of his relationship fears ever since his dreaded confession, but now, it was all coming back to him. The fear of losing Kuroo over a break up was something too deep and too painful to even dare to think about it. Instead, he concentrated on his social anxiety, on the way he knew he just couldn't fit into whatever society expected of him as a boyfriend.

Kuroo smiled softly as it was getting more and more obvious this conversation was incommoding Kenma. “I mean, we could say going for ice cream is a date. But I like how we are right now too. We don't have to follow anyone else's rules. We can just be us.” Kenma nodded, bit his lip, waited and then opened his mouth. But when he was about to speak, he got interrupted by Kuroo.

"But why-"

"It means commitment, Kenma. Commitment to us. As life companions. Well, to see if we could be life companions. That's how I see it, anyway."

Kuroo knew, he just knew that if he heard Kenma say "but why do we even have to be boyfriends" it would shatter him. Again. He just wanted to save himself the trouble.

Still. It hurt.

Lucky for them Kuroo’s second alarm started ringing. He grabbed his phone and turned it off before getting up from bed. Once up, he stretched a little. Kenma’s vision wandered through his naked chest. There was a nice love mark he actually made the other day right there, near his neck.

_Commitment, love, boyfriends._

Those three words kept coming back to his mind every time.

“Come on, we are going to be late to the morning practice. You can think about it and we can decide later.”

“Decide what?”

“If we want to be a couple or not.”

*

After Kenma went home to shower and put on clean clothes they found each other at the train station. Kenma could notice that Kuroo wasn't as cheerful as he was earlier in the morning or like every morning in general. Maybe he was still thinking about their relationship talk, obviously not quite happy with the result. At least, Kenma wouldn’t be the only one obsessed about it.

Normally they sat together, but because it was really crowded, they ended up sitting on different spaces of the same wagon. Kenma put on his earphones and because he didn't want to think too much, he decided to play something easy on his phone.

_Hey, Kenma, how did it go._

A message from Shoyo appeared. They had talked about the incident with the girl before and it was actually Shoyo who suggested the whole naming as boyfriend things. Thinking back, it was a terrible idea, more so because he wasn't ready to make that kind of commitment.

_Not great. He asked me if I wanted to be his boyfriend._

_I thought you did want that ???????????_

_Yeah, but we talked about what it would imply. I didn’t respond right away and now he seems not-happy._

Kenma glanced towards Kuroo. He looked bored and sleepy; his bedhead not as messy as it always was. A couple of girls were giggling while looking at Kuroo too. He could picture them saying things like

"So handsome."

"Ask him out."

and such.

As they always did.

_Looks like you are in a some relationship._

_Some?_

Hinata sent the link to a [music video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaSxwr3S9rU&ab_channel=IsabelaCanani).

_Sorry, practice is starting. Call you later._

Kenma seriously considered watching the video but didn't. Though they were at the train and probably nobody would be looking at him, it would be embarrassing to be seen watching a cutesy MV for what he could tell by the thumbnail.

Instead, he googled the term:

_"Here is a very basic understanding of being in a "some"-relationship: you have confirmed your feelings for one another but you are not officially in a relationship."_

Yeah, that did sound like them.

_"You feel some-type-of-way for your partner but nothing too real to make it a committed relationship, yet."_

Ah, did Kuroo feel he didn't have feelings for him? The _nothing too real_ part bothered him a lot. He searched for the song on his music streaming service and, because apparently it was in Korean, he searched for the Japanese lyrics too.

_"It feels like we’re lovers,_

_It seems like we’re lovers but not_

_Whenever you see me, you act so vague to me_

_These days, I hate hearing that I’m just like a friend"_

That did sound like them too.

Kenma opened his messaging app.

_Shoyo, when you have the time, can I call you?_  
  
Kenma needed more information to make his decision.

*

Yaku appeared from behind and kicked Kuroo in the butt for no reason.

They were at the gym, in the middle of their lunch. Though it was their free hour to eat and rest, the whole team had gathered there to practice as the nationals were approaching fast. Because he had gotten tired of practicing his serves, Kuroo went sidelines to drink some water and, in the meantime, watch Kenma from afar.

“Hey! Invite me for coffee first, you little shit.”

Kuroo rubbed his butt as Yaku laughed carelessly.

“Your eyes are going to fall out if you keep watching Kenma-kun like that. Is it difficult?”

He clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, not really wanting to answer that question. “What do you mean by difficult?”

Yaku, who had learned through years of practice to read Kuroo more or less, knew something was up.

“Understanding Kenma. Since, you know he is kinda…” The short libero stopped suddenly as the dangerous smile the captain offered said something like “say he's weird, and I’ll punch you”.

“You know, he is kinda different.”

Kuroo deviated his gaze to see Kenma for just a second. It was enough to see the blond getting angry at Lev for not following his instructions again, though, to him, it was endearing as Kenma, as frustrated as he was, kept on helping the silver-haired boy.

“Well, you think he is difficult, but I believe it’s actually the contrary."

He returned his gaze to Yaku.

"I believe most people think like a straight line, right? They go from point A to point B. And because it makes sense to you, you think that’s what’s right.” Kuroo exemplified his reasoning by moving his finger in a straight direction and then with a curve.

“I believe Kenma thinks in more like a curve, not a line necessarily. He doesn’t go straight from point A to B. Hell, sometimes he doesn’t even start in point A. He also considers C, D, E, and whatever you want. And to him that makes sense. Because he has that wide perspective, he’s not only super smart but also a great setter.”

“…Yeah, but he sucks at life.”

Kuroo raised a brow, clearly not amused. But after a few seconds, it also made him chuckle.

“Maybe, but that’s not what you asked.” At that moment, he realized something. "He is not difficult to understand, one just has to see things from his perspective."

They had been ignoring each other after their discussion that morning. So now, the itch to go and kiss Kenma in front of everyone (to melt his scrunchy and frustrated face but annoy him at the same time) was getting bigger.

“It’s not difficult. Sometimes it’s just painful.”

As the pain from remembering their conversation came back, Kuroo avoided looking at the blond's direction.

“Huh?”

“Kenma. He has no interest in lying or doing something just to not hurt someone’s feelings. He also doesn’t do things to hurt others. He just… Does things. And whatever he decides, it is, even if one doesn’t like the outcome.”

“Looks like you respect Kenma a lot.”

“Of course, I do. After all he is… The person that I love the most.”

*

Normally, he would've left his phone at the club room, but Kenma was still waiting for Hinata's call. Nonetheless, even if the question of being Kuroo's boyfriend roamed around his mind, he didn't lose his concentration.

"Lev, for the fifth time, watch the ball.” Kenma grunted, not pleased AT ALL. He leaned in and grabbed another ball from the basket. “Ok, I'm going to throw a quick one so be prepared."

The russian sulked, tired. Everyone else were resting and that made him feel like he was missing out, making him get distracted.

Even though no one in the team even suggested to practice at lunch time, everyone, for the past weeks had gathered there every day. Including Kenma (though at the beginning he was peer pressured by Taketora and Fukunaga who always pestered him by asking if he wanted to train).

The pressure of the nationals was real. Still, there were times that the team craved some rest or simply wanted to play. But, with the intense gaze of Kuroo, no one even dared to sit, even if the captain hadn't said anything at all yet.

From the corner of his eye, Kenma saw as Yaku approached their captain as he took a break to get some water, and, with their usual banter, got to distract him so the rest of the team could get a break, sit and enjoy their lunch.

"Ah, sorry!"

He got lost sight of the ball for just one second and that was enough for Lev to threw it in his head. Kenma immediately scrunched his face and rubbed his forehead. His first thought was was to scream at Lev, but he felt the pocket of his pant vibrating.

"Aim better next time. Let's take five."

His angry tone was enough to make the Russian not insist and, as he saw Kenma leave the gym, he silently followed the rest of the team to sat with them to eat and chat.

Kenma didn't even thought about someone saying something of he leaving practice, he just answered the phone and got out of there as fast as he could.

"Kenma, you all right?" The soft voice of Shoyo could be heard through the speaker.

"Yeah" Kenma changed shoes as quick as he could to get as far from the gym and from as many people, but especially, his teammates, as possible. "Do you have five minutes?"

"Yeah, we were training but everyone got hungry. What do you need?"

Perfect.

Kenma circled the gym to get to the back garden of the school. There were no windows near him or people passing.

"I need love advice."

"LOVE ADVICE? KENMA!" That was enough to rattle the young spiker who raised his voice. Kenma could hear in the back the rest of the Karasuno players who, must surely should've been a few steps away from him, and now were laughing at the sudden nervousness of Hinata.

"Who in the hell would ask Hinata for advice? Not even love advice." If Kenma was right, that sounded like their weird setter, Kageyama.

"Shoyo, who are you talking to?" That sweet tone... It seemed like that gentle third year, Sugawara-san, he thought.

"Hey! This is a private conversation." Hinata got more and more flustered as suddenly everyone on the team got interested.

"It's okay, I don't mind." Of course, Kenma knew Shoyo wasn't the best person to ask that kind of questions, but, if he had read the room right, there were some couples on his team that could help him out. "You can put me on speaker."

"Y-You sure?"

"Yeah."

After a few seconds he could hear more clearly the conversations going on the Karasuno gym.

"This is Kozume."

He heard some of them answer with hey's and hi's, though the one's that sounded closer to the phone were Kageyama, Hinata and Sugawara.

"What an honor to have Nekoma's setter calling us. This is Suga. What can we help you today?" The setter laughed as he was clearly amused at the sudden request.

"What should one agree to when you are about to go in a relationship?"

There were a few surprised gasps and murmurs, but he couldn't distinguish who they were. He thought that maybe some of the team were listening but others just went on with their lunch.

"Daichi here." Bingo. He had spiked the right persons' interest. "What do you mean?"

Hinata could be heard from afar: "Hey! Don't hover the phone!"

"There is this boy that I like and he wants us to be boyfriends. But I don't know what to expect. What do you guys do?" This was, obviously, an embarrassing topic to discuss with Kuroo and, obviously, it was more embarrassing to discuss it with Hinata's team mates, but Kenma got through with it because he knew he didn't have anyone else to ask.

The guys from Karasuno just laughed chaotically and that made their captain shut them up, probably embarrassed.

"Ah, do you mean going on dates and stuff?" It was Sugawara again. "We are pretty normal. Daichi and I, since we know each other from a long time, not much has changed."

"Except that now they get to make out in the club room."

"TANAKA, SHUT UP."

More laughs.

"But what's bothering you, Kenma? He seems like a pretty chill guy, and he likes you. A lot." It was Shoyo again, who seemed like he had the chance to grab the phone.

"It's the..." For the first time, Kenma stuttered. He had realized that to overcome his rejection of relationships he had to face whatever he feared the most about it at the moment. All the other hard stuff could be faced later. But right now, the thing that made him resist the most was this. "…The PDA. The I-am-going-to-touch-you-in-public-all-the-time." He shuddered imagining the attention they would grab.

"But is your guy the type to get handsy?" He didn't know who asked, it was a raspy voice.

"I guess... He's like Bokuto, but pretty chill."

The simple mention from Bokuto earned a pissed sighed from what he though was the tall blond guy with glasses. "Tch, that guy makes me sick with his 'Keiji, Keiji, Keiji' every five minutes." For hating the guy that much, he did a pretty good impression.

"Ah, you should set your boundaries very clearly and he should respect them, whatever it is. Especially if you are in a relationship it is more than encouraged to say no when you don't want something, not just sucking it up to make someone else happy." That soft voice, of course it was Sugawara.

"I guess so. I think he would hold back for me but... I don't know, even if he did, people would notice even the simplest of contacts."

Was it the PDA that bothered Kenma or was it the dreaded whispers? The glances from the people who looked at Kuroo first and then would look at him? The "what a pity that guy is with that shorty"?

"Ah, like Bokuto? From Fukurodani? So, they know each other? I feel like we know him. Who is this mysterious guy?" He didn't remember his name, but Kenma was pretty sure that that excited voice was from their libero.

Kenma bit his lip, thinking if he should give out the name. But, he figured, nothing much would change. It would be his first taste of going public.

"It's our captain, Kuroo."

The other side of the line went silent for a few seconds. Dead silent. So much that Kenma thought Shoyo had hung up or something. He even looked at the screen on the phone, but the call kept running. Only Kageyama's words, carefully thought and said after a minute, broke it off:

"... What a dangerous couple."

Kenma smiled from ear to ear.

He got to hear some “That makes so much sense” and “That’s why they’re so deadly together” before the voice from their captain shut them off:

"Stop with the gossip, let's go practice! This is not the time to be resting."

"Ah, Kenma, I'm sorry. Looks like everyone wants to practice right now. Can I call you back later?"

"Yeah, don't worry. Thanks a lot, by the way."

Kenma had heard what he wanted.

*

Kuroo had zoned out after just mindlessly speaking his mind about Kenma, but when he turned around, the blond was long gone and the whole team was sitting behind them, talking and resting.

Yaku started to laugh.

“You, demon senpai, made me talk about Kenma to get me distracted.”

He didn’t spend much time arguing with the libero, as he yelled at his team.

“Stop resting, it’s time to practice. Especially you, Lev!”

*

The long day of practice (finally) ended and everyone went back home. Kuroo and Kenma had found, individually, throughout the day the answers to personal questions they didn’t even knew they had. And now they were walking silently, side by side, to their own personal homes.

It was dark already, but every couple of meters the street lighting marked their ways. Only a few blocks and they would get to Kenma’s house.

At that sudden realization, Kenma stopped.

“Kuroo.”

The blond could swear his heart was going to come out of his chest, or that it thumped so hard it could actually be heard. Still, his face and his tone remained emotionless.

“Hm?” The tall boy stopped too, but only turned back waiting for the setter to catch up. He too seemed emotionless.

Kenma breathed in and out, holding his gaze on Kuroo, looking decided.

“I’m really sorry. I must have hurt your feelings this morning saying something so reckless.”

Kuroo’s factions immediately softened. That was unexpected. Slowly both of them took a few steps and found in the middle.

“It hurt.” He admitted, his tone free of resentment.

“But I guess this scare you a lot?”

Kenma nodded slowly. Because Kuroo had his hands on his pockets, Kenma reached out to them, pulling softly at his arms until he could finally lace their fingers together.

This whole conversation was scary as fuck.

“I’m sorry.” The blond repeated, which earned him a kind nod from the tall boy. “I do… I am scared of many, many things.” He felt his hands tremble so much it was embarrassing. “Of losing you, of not being good enough for you, of what other people might think of us. Of me being with you. But I feel committed to us.”

The dark-haired boy felt his eyes open in surprised. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, so he just waited, as the blond took his time to get everything out. Of course, he squeezed his trembling hands with love.

“And I... I would love to be your boyfriend… If you would have me.”

Kenma’s voice had died down with every word and, from looking directly at Kuroo's eyes, he ended averting his gaze to their laced hands instead. He truly felt like his whole body was shaking and it got worse with every second that passed while Kuroo didn’t say a single thing. When the tall boy unclasped their hands, Kenma was sure he was about to run away. To run and hide in his house forever, never to return to school. Pretend to be dead forever.

But when Kuroo took his face between his hands and started to kiss him (their stupid smiles making them stop every once in a while) he felt, no, he sweared he was about to melt down right then and there.

Kenma just circled Kuroo’s waist with his arms, joining their bodies so there couldn’t be a single space between them. And Kuroo kissed him and kissed him a lot, and kissed him until he fell out of breath because he actually forgot how to do it.

But obviously, because every fairy tale, every spell and every kiss had to end, Kenma finally found his way far from his lips.

“For fuck’s sake, Kuroo, answer me!”

Still, Kuroo couldn’t answer because he was full of joy. Instead, he hugged Kenma tightly and started to laugh. He rocked them both side to side, unable to find the words.

But Kenma knew better.

“If you are thinking of the best way to tease me, save it.”

“I am! I can’t decide between something smug like “ah, so now you are asking me out” or something like “I just won three different bets”. But I am so happy, I can’t do shit.”

Kuroo was clearly ecstatic, laughing like an idiot between each sentence. But as Kenma wasn’t having none of his shit and tried to get away from his hug, Kuroo got down again to press their lips together. “Of course I would have you as my boyfriend, I love you, Kenma.”

_Love._ There was _that_ word again.

In _that_ fucking phrase.

That stupid Kuroo, with his stupid smile and his stupid bedhead, he just wouldn’t let Kenma win, not even once.

*

When they got to the club room the next morning, no one said shit or even bat an eyelash. Not even when they got there holding hands or when Kuroo displaye a really badly hidden hickey on his neck. Not that they wanted everyone to comment. Kenma just grabbed Kuroo’s hand at the last second before crossing the door so they could be over with the news and could go back to their normal, quiet lives as soon as possible. Maybe the only comment they got as they separated briefly to put out their stuff was from Lev, who wasn’t talking to them, but referred to Inuoka.

“Ah, look, they’re back together.”

“Back together?”

Kenma had muted Lev’s comments for his everyday life, but Kuroo got to hear him.

“We got together… Literally yesterday.”

“Ah, but last week, Kenma said that you guys had broken up.”

That did spike the interest of everyone in the room.

Kenma had found his way curled up on the corner of the room, happy to play a level of his new game as everyone lost their practice time chatting up. The only thing that made him look up was the feel of several eyes on him.

“What?”

“Did you tell Lev we broke up?” Kuroo was as amused as perplexed.

“When?”

“Last week.”

Kenma paused his game to think. His neutral face scrunched angrily after a few seconds when he remembered the Fukurodani practice game.

“I told him you were not my boyfriend because he always referred to you as if you were.”

“Ah, but we thought you were together.” Kai’s calming voice seemed to resonate with the whole team.

“Actually, I heard you were together from Yaku.”

“I heard it from Taketora.”

“I heard it from Inuoka.”

“I heard it from Lev.”

“I just assumed you guys were a couple.”

Lev’s comment, as always, couldn’t go unnoticed and Kenma couldn’t roll his eyes enough.

“You never corrected me! And when I asked Yaku how long you guys had going out, he said something like forever.”

“Ah!” Now Yaku was in the spotlight. “But Lev just came to me so sure you were together, I just thought it made sense, so I said something like since you were kids.”

“Have you heard that, my love? How many anniversaries have we missed? We should celebrate them all.” Kuroo was way, way, way too happy about this.

“Congratulations, guys? I guess.” The rest of the team joined Kai congratulating the new couple, but, as everyone already apparently knew, the interest in them died equally as fast.

The only who remained happy was Kuroo. And Kenma, of course.

The only thing the blond cared to say was: “Our couple’s name is ‘deadly couple’. Please remember that.” before he returned to his videogame. Kuroo, as the social person he was, ended up talking animatedly with rest of his team mates, but did so sitting beside Kenma, finding, from time to time, ways to caress or brush his arm. It was a very unnoticeable gesture, but one that made the blond joyful.

Kenma had a hunch, well, more likely a very certain presentiment, that he would remain happy for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read this fanfic! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
> 
> If you would like to keep up with my work, follow me on twitter. I'm @_halesi


End file.
